Among the many ways in which I'm glad Bush isn't president anymore, there are several that sound funny at first blush, but if you think about it, they're really pretty sad. One of these - perhaps the biggest one, actually - is that I can now usually tell The Onion apart from real newspapers.
Usually.
I saw excerpts from this article on Daily Kos earlier today, and before checking the link I was sure it was some kind of joke. But the New York Times isn't known for its sense of humor. (Maybe you've heard the joke about the world's easiest job: the New York Times comics editor. All you ever have to do is say "No.") After reading the article and the blog it links to, I'm persuaded that these gals are somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but also that they're somewhat serious about it all as well. For one thing, it really isn't very funny to pretend you're as shallow and materialistic as the image they're presenting. So they're probably sincere about it.
Disgusting, yes, but I found myself feeling oddly relieved after reading it. Of all the many, many times over the past several months that I've been glad I didn't end up working at a bank, this has to be the strongest case yet. The idea of ever getting anywhere near that community...ew. That's all.
The thing is, even if I did find myself on Wall Street, odds are I wouldn't have ever been mixed up with anybody like that. I'd have worked with them and perhaps gone out for drinks with them occasionally, but I'd never have actually been one of them. There's something intangible that means you're either one of them or you're not, and no, being a Yale alum does not automatically put you in the club. In fact, it marks you out in a big way at Yale - somehow, everyone can tell whose grandfather was a senator and whose grandfather was a jukebox repairman. Not everybody cares, but everybody can tell. And of course, some do care. The ones who whine about how busy their still-employed boyfriends are in the New York Times are among those who do, needless to say.
Thank heavens for my unglamorous but recession-proof job and for a girlfriend who makes slightly more money than I do!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
I always expected this in Paris, but here?
At the gym last night, I noticed one of the TVs was showing The Price is Right. I was watching one of the other TVs, with a talk show about the inauguration, but during a commercial I looked over at The Price is Right. They were in the midst of the Showcase Showdown, and one of the prizes was...a trip to Singapore.
I'm sure they do have some kind of backup plan for cases where a prize would be inappropriate like that, but it seemed pretty funny to me all the same.
I'm sure they do have some kind of backup plan for cases where a prize would be inappropriate like that, but it seemed pretty funny to me all the same.
Let the whining begin
If you're anything like me, you might be wondering what the first round of "the Liberal Media is shilling for Obama" was going to be. (First after the inauguration, I mean - I know they've never really shut up about how the media was in the tank for him throughout the campaign either.)
I just found out. Perhaps not surprisingly, it came from one of that odd breed of wingnuts who think Bush's only problem was that he was too liberal. In any case, the issue at hand was Obama's line in his inaugural speech about being the 44th person to take the oath of office. He's really only the 43rd (Grover Cleveland was only one person, after all), and well, if Sarah Palin had said that, why, The Liberal Media would be all over her for how stupid she is!!
For what it's worth, I have always believed we should stop counting Cleveland twice. But right or wrong, that's how it's been done throughout my life and for quite some time before, quite possibly since 1893. I don't recall anybody making an issue of the frequent references to Obama's indisputably stupid predecessor as "Bush 43," or his indisputably arrogant father calling him just "43". (He also reportedly sometimes called him "Quincy," which is at least a bit more clever, but also disrespectful to the best ex-president we ever had, who really does not deserve to be compared to Mr. I-Don't-Recall-Any-Heaviness-Ruining-My-Time-At-Yale. But I digress.) If this is the best the right wing s**t machine can do against Obama, the next four years ought to be a lot of fun. It'll be interesting to see if anybody takes this the least bit seriously. Sad to say, I wouldn't be too surprised if some people do - what else do they have to work with at this point?
My comeback to the above, by the way, was to suggest that Sarah Palin probaby doesn't have the foggiest idea how many presidents there have been. It almost makes you wish someone would ask her..."Oh, well, y'know, I know about the presidents. All of them. I think it was Ronald Reagan who said 'give me liberty or give me death,' you know, and up here in Alaska we take that serious and we take our presidents serious, you know? By golly, I don't care how many presidents there were, I'm runnin' for the future and my children's future!"
By the way, Cleveland's service as president was interrupted in the first place because of a dirty trick that could have taught Karl Rove everything he knows. Somebody duped the British ambassador into endorsing him, which cost him the usually-Democratic Irish American vote in New York, and he won the popular vote but lost the eletoral vote. Lest anybody think the right wing s**t machine and its love for exploiting ethnic tension is a modern-day phenomenon...
I just found out. Perhaps not surprisingly, it came from one of that odd breed of wingnuts who think Bush's only problem was that he was too liberal. In any case, the issue at hand was Obama's line in his inaugural speech about being the 44th person to take the oath of office. He's really only the 43rd (Grover Cleveland was only one person, after all), and well, if Sarah Palin had said that, why, The Liberal Media would be all over her for how stupid she is!!
For what it's worth, I have always believed we should stop counting Cleveland twice. But right or wrong, that's how it's been done throughout my life and for quite some time before, quite possibly since 1893. I don't recall anybody making an issue of the frequent references to Obama's indisputably stupid predecessor as "Bush 43," or his indisputably arrogant father calling him just "43". (He also reportedly sometimes called him "Quincy," which is at least a bit more clever, but also disrespectful to the best ex-president we ever had, who really does not deserve to be compared to Mr. I-Don't-Recall-Any-Heaviness-Ruining-My-Time-At-Yale. But I digress.) If this is the best the right wing s**t machine can do against Obama, the next four years ought to be a lot of fun. It'll be interesting to see if anybody takes this the least bit seriously. Sad to say, I wouldn't be too surprised if some people do - what else do they have to work with at this point?
My comeback to the above, by the way, was to suggest that Sarah Palin probaby doesn't have the foggiest idea how many presidents there have been. It almost makes you wish someone would ask her..."Oh, well, y'know, I know about the presidents. All of them. I think it was Ronald Reagan who said 'give me liberty or give me death,' you know, and up here in Alaska we take that serious and we take our presidents serious, you know? By golly, I don't care how many presidents there were, I'm runnin' for the future and my children's future!"
By the way, Cleveland's service as president was interrupted in the first place because of a dirty trick that could have taught Karl Rove everything he knows. Somebody duped the British ambassador into endorsing him, which cost him the usually-Democratic Irish American vote in New York, and he won the popular vote but lost the eletoral vote. Lest anybody think the right wing s**t machine and its love for exploiting ethnic tension is a modern-day phenomenon...
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Is this heaven? It ain't Iowa...
You've probably heard at least some of the fuss about all the inagural balls in DC. I decided to stay over here in the tropical sunshine, though, because I couldn't get tickets to this ball...
Monday, January 19, 2009
So that's why they made playlists...
Last Thursday was a really good day at work. I'm not at liberty to go into details about it right now, but things are looking pretty good for our company and for me starting in a few months. To celebrate, I went out to dinner after work. So it was pretty late when I got back to my place. No problem there, as I had my beloved iPod to keep me company, set on Shuffle as usual.
Now, the Shuffle function can lead to some pretty odd segues. But anybody who has seen my record collection knows that's just how I like it. I've actually had some conversations that have led me to believe the variety on my iPod isn't all that extreme really. The strange thing about Thursday, though, was in the very lack of diversity of songs on the walk from the MRT back to my building.
I hadn't really been paying much attention on the train, because usually you can barely hear the music over the crowds - even at night. (Nothing in Singapore is ever not crowded!) Anyhow, I first noticed the odd phenomenon shortly after leaving the MRT station. Over 2,000 songs, roughly 200 of them by Jimmy Buffett (yeah, I know, big surprise), and from a guy who specializes in songs about parties and the beach, which one comes on at the end of a really great day? In the Shelter, the one about a runaway teenage smack addict who has just run out of luck. What are the odds? Well, I thought, it can't possibly get much more miserable than that, can it?
I had to go and use the actual word "miserable," didn't I? Next up? "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables." Yes, really. Literally and figuratively, plus miserable. Oh well. Now, remember what I said about odd segues? You probably aren't expecting the next song to be another showtune from a different show. I wasn't. I was wrong. It was "You've Got To Be Carefully Taught," from South Pacific. Is it fair to say that continued the depression-fest? Well, perhaps "depressing" isn't exactly the word for a celebration of racism, but...
I got to the apartment door just in time to hear the opening riffs of Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall." Part one, that is - not the radio-friendly one, but the slow and even-more angst-ridden one you never hear on the radio.
It was a pretty good weekend, in spite of the bad omen. Maybe I just need to make a happy-songs setlist, but I honestly didn't think my collection at large was quite that angst-ridden.
Now, the Shuffle function can lead to some pretty odd segues. But anybody who has seen my record collection knows that's just how I like it. I've actually had some conversations that have led me to believe the variety on my iPod isn't all that extreme really. The strange thing about Thursday, though, was in the very lack of diversity of songs on the walk from the MRT back to my building.
I hadn't really been paying much attention on the train, because usually you can barely hear the music over the crowds - even at night. (Nothing in Singapore is ever not crowded!) Anyhow, I first noticed the odd phenomenon shortly after leaving the MRT station. Over 2,000 songs, roughly 200 of them by Jimmy Buffett (yeah, I know, big surprise), and from a guy who specializes in songs about parties and the beach, which one comes on at the end of a really great day? In the Shelter, the one about a runaway teenage smack addict who has just run out of luck. What are the odds? Well, I thought, it can't possibly get much more miserable than that, can it?
I had to go and use the actual word "miserable," didn't I? Next up? "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables." Yes, really. Literally and figuratively, plus miserable. Oh well. Now, remember what I said about odd segues? You probably aren't expecting the next song to be another showtune from a different show. I wasn't. I was wrong. It was "You've Got To Be Carefully Taught," from South Pacific. Is it fair to say that continued the depression-fest? Well, perhaps "depressing" isn't exactly the word for a celebration of racism, but...
I got to the apartment door just in time to hear the opening riffs of Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall." Part one, that is - not the radio-friendly one, but the slow and even-more angst-ridden one you never hear on the radio.
It was a pretty good weekend, in spite of the bad omen. Maybe I just need to make a happy-songs setlist, but I honestly didn't think my collection at large was quite that angst-ridden.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Now DEFINITELY ain't the time for your tears!
I've always thought "it's wrong to speak ill of the dead" only goes so far. Is it really speaking ill to tell the truth about someone who just wasn't a decent human being?
You may have heard by now that William Zantzinger, the real-life villain of Bob Dylan's Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll, died last week. What you probably didn't hear was the full story behind that one line tucked into the next-to-last paragraph of the obit, about how Zantzinger "later became a foreclosure auctioneer." Yes and no. What he actually did was become a slumlord in the 1980s. When he became delinquent on some property taxes, the bank foreclosed on some of his properties - but his tenants didn't know that, so Zantzinger continued collecting rent from them. When some of those tenants fell behind on their rent, he sued them for the back rent. And he won. He was eventually caught, and spent a year and a half in jail (three times as long as he'd spent for murder!). At least one account I've read of that case mentions that some of his tenants - in shacks without running water or plumbing - supported him at trial, saying they'd be homeless without him. Sounds like a variation on battered wife syndrome to me, but I guess that's beside the point.
As for his claim that Dylan's song is "a total lie," to be completely fair, it does get a few things wrong. Zantzinger's family did not "react to his deed with a shrug of the shoulders," nor was he released on bail "in a matter of minutes". But the main point - that he beat a woman to death and basically got away with it - is true. I guess you can't prove conclusively that his social standing and his victim's race were factors in the injustice, but it's hard not to connect those particular dots. (Tellingly, Dylan never actually mentions in the song that Carroll was black. There's absolutely no need to.)
I understand the rules about being respectful of the deceased, but I find it a bit disrespectful of his various victims that so much was not said in that obit.
You may have heard by now that William Zantzinger, the real-life villain of Bob Dylan's Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll, died last week. What you probably didn't hear was the full story behind that one line tucked into the next-to-last paragraph of the obit, about how Zantzinger "later became a foreclosure auctioneer." Yes and no. What he actually did was become a slumlord in the 1980s. When he became delinquent on some property taxes, the bank foreclosed on some of his properties - but his tenants didn't know that, so Zantzinger continued collecting rent from them. When some of those tenants fell behind on their rent, he sued them for the back rent. And he won. He was eventually caught, and spent a year and a half in jail (three times as long as he'd spent for murder!). At least one account I've read of that case mentions that some of his tenants - in shacks without running water or plumbing - supported him at trial, saying they'd be homeless without him. Sounds like a variation on battered wife syndrome to me, but I guess that's beside the point.
As for his claim that Dylan's song is "a total lie," to be completely fair, it does get a few things wrong. Zantzinger's family did not "react to his deed with a shrug of the shoulders," nor was he released on bail "in a matter of minutes". But the main point - that he beat a woman to death and basically got away with it - is true. I guess you can't prove conclusively that his social standing and his victim's race were factors in the injustice, but it's hard not to connect those particular dots. (Tellingly, Dylan never actually mentions in the song that Carroll was black. There's absolutely no need to.)
I understand the rules about being respectful of the deceased, but I find it a bit disrespectful of his various victims that so much was not said in that obit.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Hope they do that for everyone!
Every now and then, the big question arises of whether someone here is especially nice to those who are obviously foreign. I probably shouldn't worry about it, since I don't go around trying to take advantage of anything, and besides, the issue probably swings both ways, i.e. the guy at the lime juice stand just might try to charge me a bit extra because I'm white. I actually did have a run-in with a lime juice hawker just last night, but I don't think he was racist, just not very bright.
In any case, my story of the week. The entire office went out to lunch on Friday at an Indian place - a very swanky and probably expensive one. (It was on the boss, so the rest of us never saw the bill.) The occasion was that our chief operating officer was in town. It proved to be a good way to get to know the guy. But that's beside the point. The point is, when the waiter came to take orders, we ended up all ordering a lunch formula menu sort of like they have in France. For the main course, I asked if they had my favorite Indian dish, chicken sagwalla (which I hadn't seen on the menu). He said no, but he could talk to the chef about it. I assured him that wouldn't be necessary and settled for chicken tikka. It was quite good, anyhow. But the formula included free seconds of anything we wanted. When I asked for seconds of the chicken, he brought out...chicken sagwalla!
Come to think of it, if there was a deciding factor in whether or not to go the extra mile for the picky American, it was probably that they knew our bill was going to be quite large and they wanted to make it worth our while so we might consider them for our next corporate lunch. I can live with that.
In any case, my story of the week. The entire office went out to lunch on Friday at an Indian place - a very swanky and probably expensive one. (It was on the boss, so the rest of us never saw the bill.) The occasion was that our chief operating officer was in town. It proved to be a good way to get to know the guy. But that's beside the point. The point is, when the waiter came to take orders, we ended up all ordering a lunch formula menu sort of like they have in France. For the main course, I asked if they had my favorite Indian dish, chicken sagwalla (which I hadn't seen on the menu). He said no, but he could talk to the chef about it. I assured him that wouldn't be necessary and settled for chicken tikka. It was quite good, anyhow. But the formula included free seconds of anything we wanted. When I asked for seconds of the chicken, he brought out...chicken sagwalla!
Come to think of it, if there was a deciding factor in whether or not to go the extra mile for the picky American, it was probably that they knew our bill was going to be quite large and they wanted to make it worth our while so we might consider them for our next corporate lunch. I can live with that.
Friday, January 2, 2009
60 Signs you've been in Singapore too long
Eight months in, some of these make all too much sense to me.
(In the spirit of several of the following, I feel compelled to mention here that I did not write the list. It came to me in an e-mail.)
60 signs you've been in Singapore too long, especially if you come
from a Western country :
1. You know that "cum" means something completely different from what you originally thought.
2. You've lost your sense of irony, sarcasm, and cynicism.
3. You don't know what's lame and what isn't anymore.
4. You think there's nothing wrong with putting chili sauce on everything you eat.
5. You wait for instructions from people in authority before doing anything. Always.
6. You join queues without knowing or caring what the queue is for.
7. You know what "queue" means!!
8. You can type an SMS on your phone as quickly as you would if you had a regular keyboard.
9. Your idea of a good night out consists of having dinner at a hawker centre, drinking beer, and then going to another hawker centre and eating again.
10. You've lost your ability to criticize people in higher positions than you, even if they're wrong.
11. You would buy a $20 product you don't need if it's on sale for $10 just to save the money.
12. You forget to say the last consonant in words like "faCT", "aTE",etc.
13. You think it's okay to have only one meaningful choice on a ballot.
14. Every task you take on and every group you form is incomplete without a mission statement and a cheesy slogan.
15. You think that in a country where young people have little privacy, pornography is completely banned, music and movies are censored, students of the opposite sex in a dorm can't stay in the same room without open doors, and everyone works so much, that people should still want to get laid.
16. "Crossing the country" means taking the MRT to the end of the line.
17. You don't just know what "kiasu" means, you have become it!
18. You think that corn and beans are dessert foods.
19. You would cross the entire country all day to find the places that make the perfect fried noodles, or roti prata, or ice kacang, or chili crab. And none of these places would be close to each other.
20. You have a high tolerance for nagging.
21. Most or all of these acronyms make sense to you: NUS; NTU; ERP; SDU; PAP; MRT; LKY; GCT; PRC; TIBS; SBS; SMS; JB; JBJ; AMK; AYE; PIE; ECP; ISD; ISA; 5 C's; CPF; CHIJMES; SPG; CWO.
22. You use too many acronyms when you talk, or you create new ones.
23. You think that nothing makes a girl or guy more attractive than to dress exactly like hundreds of thousands of other girls and guys who all dress exactly like girls and guys in malls.
24. You think that $100,000 is a reasonable price for a Toyota Corolla and $1,000,000 is a reasonable price for a bungalow, but $5 for a plate of fried noodles is a barbarous outrage.
25. You believe that not being able to get decent roti prata outside Singapore is enough to keep the best and the brightest people from leaving.
26. You see nothing wrong with forming committees of select elite people to deliberate and study ways to stimulate creativity and spontaneity.
27. You justify every argument with the phrase "in order for us to be competitive in the 21st century".
28. You think everything should be "topped up".
29. You have a naive belief that the war against ants will somehow be won.
30. You don't think any dish of Western food is complete without baked beans.
31. You see nothing unusual about an organization of trade unions spending more time owning and operating supermarkets, drugstores, amusement parks, nightclubs, and financial services outlets than planning the next strike.
32. You believe that a lack of land is enough justification for the goverment to do what it wants.
33. You wear winter clothes indoors and summer clothes outdoors.
34. Durian and belachan no longer stink to you.
35. You like to have fun, but not too much fun, since you need to correctly gauge the amount of fun necessary to achieve the optimal result. Any more fun that that would bring shame to your family and your country.
36. Seven french fries with lunch are more than enough for you.
37. You forgot what a city organized around a grid looks like.
38. In a country where people use smart cards for public transit, you have no problem with construction workers riding in the open backs of pickup trucks.
39. You think paying $50 for a bottle of booze that costs $15 at home is a bargain.
40. You're not confused by a street naming system that locates streets like Clementi Road, Clementi Street, Clementi Crescent, Clementi Lane, Clementi Drive, Clementi Way, and Clementi Avenues 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 all within walking distance of each other.
41. You think that skinny girls and guys are the most attractive of all. (How did they get so skinny in the first place?? Do you know how much oil is in nasi lemak, char kuay teow, duck rice, and your average curry??--ed.)
42. You get irritated if you don't see a sign telling you how long your wait's going to be for a bus, a train, or the expressway to take you where you want to go.
43. You're certain that Holland Village is for hippie bohemian artist types and not overpaid yuppies.
44. When you cross the border into Malaysia, you automatically and deeply fear for your life and your wallet. Especially your wallet!!
45. You think that no vegetable should ever be eaten raw for any reason. Except for cucumbers.
46. No matter what you're doing at the moment, you'd rather be shopping.
47. No matter how miserable you may be here, you thank God you're not in Indonesia.
48. You're impressed by high-rise apartment buildings with actual lobbies instead of bare exposed pillars on the ground floor.
49. You don't have a problem with four different direct payment systems spread out over seven different cards in your wallet.
50. You forgot what chewing gum tastes like.
51. You say "handphone", not "cellphone" And you think there's no such thing as a handphone that's too thin.
52. You're not bothered by the fact that government cares whether you know how to use a toilet or urinal correctly. (People squatting on toilet bowls? What the...???--ed.)
53. You're sure that the best way to change social behaviour is through consistent and comprehensive government-sponsored campaigns that permeate as many aspects of daily life as possible. And when they don't work, you never speak of them again.
54. You think chicken floss, corn, mayonnaise, and tandoori spices are proper pizza toppings.
55. You agree that what the government thinks of your personal habits and lifestyle should determine whether you get a condo and how much you pay for it.
56. You've become a fan of either Arsenal, Man. U., or Liverpool when you barely knew what soccer was before you came to Singapore. And you don't care that none of these teams are Singaporean!
57. You think a bus is incomplete without a TV.
58. You accept that expressways here are cleaner than toilets rather than the other way around.
59. You know why this list needs the following disclaimer: "This list is intended only as an amusing, light-hearted, and exaggerated look at life in Singapore and is not meant to be taken seriously. There is no intention on the part of the author of this list to make any untrue, misleading, or defamatory statements concerning any person in particular, nor to make any statement intended to cause offense. If any such offense has been caused, the author apologizes and retracts the offending statement. In any event, the author's NOT WORTH SUING, so don't trouble yourself."
60. You understand everything on this list!!
(In the spirit of several of the following, I feel compelled to mention here that I did not write the list. It came to me in an e-mail.)
60 signs you've been in Singapore too long, especially if you come
from a Western country :
1. You know that "cum" means something completely different from what you originally thought.
2. You've lost your sense of irony, sarcasm, and cynicism.
3. You don't know what's lame and what isn't anymore.
4. You think there's nothing wrong with putting chili sauce on everything you eat.
5. You wait for instructions from people in authority before doing anything. Always.
6. You join queues without knowing or caring what the queue is for.
7. You know what "queue" means!!
8. You can type an SMS on your phone as quickly as you would if you had a regular keyboard.
9. Your idea of a good night out consists of having dinner at a hawker centre, drinking beer, and then going to another hawker centre and eating again.
10. You've lost your ability to criticize people in higher positions than you, even if they're wrong.
11. You would buy a $20 product you don't need if it's on sale for $10 just to save the money.
12. You forget to say the last consonant in words like "faCT", "aTE",etc.
13. You think it's okay to have only one meaningful choice on a ballot.
14. Every task you take on and every group you form is incomplete without a mission statement and a cheesy slogan.
15. You think that in a country where young people have little privacy, pornography is completely banned, music and movies are censored, students of the opposite sex in a dorm can't stay in the same room without open doors, and everyone works so much, that people should still want to get laid.
16. "Crossing the country" means taking the MRT to the end of the line.
17. You don't just know what "kiasu" means, you have become it!
18. You think that corn and beans are dessert foods.
19. You would cross the entire country all day to find the places that make the perfect fried noodles, or roti prata, or ice kacang, or chili crab. And none of these places would be close to each other.
20. You have a high tolerance for nagging.
21. Most or all of these acronyms make sense to you: NUS; NTU; ERP; SDU; PAP; MRT; LKY; GCT; PRC; TIBS; SBS; SMS; JB; JBJ; AMK; AYE; PIE; ECP; ISD; ISA; 5 C's; CPF; CHIJMES; SPG; CWO.
22. You use too many acronyms when you talk, or you create new ones.
23. You think that nothing makes a girl or guy more attractive than to dress exactly like hundreds of thousands of other girls and guys who all dress exactly like girls and guys in malls.
24. You think that $100,000 is a reasonable price for a Toyota Corolla and $1,000,000 is a reasonable price for a bungalow, but $5 for a plate of fried noodles is a barbarous outrage.
25. You believe that not being able to get decent roti prata outside Singapore is enough to keep the best and the brightest people from leaving.
26. You see nothing wrong with forming committees of select elite people to deliberate and study ways to stimulate creativity and spontaneity.
27. You justify every argument with the phrase "in order for us to be competitive in the 21st century".
28. You think everything should be "topped up".
29. You have a naive belief that the war against ants will somehow be won.
30. You don't think any dish of Western food is complete without baked beans.
31. You see nothing unusual about an organization of trade unions spending more time owning and operating supermarkets, drugstores, amusement parks, nightclubs, and financial services outlets than planning the next strike.
32. You believe that a lack of land is enough justification for the goverment to do what it wants.
33. You wear winter clothes indoors and summer clothes outdoors.
34. Durian and belachan no longer stink to you.
35. You like to have fun, but not too much fun, since you need to correctly gauge the amount of fun necessary to achieve the optimal result. Any more fun that that would bring shame to your family and your country.
36. Seven french fries with lunch are more than enough for you.
37. You forgot what a city organized around a grid looks like.
38. In a country where people use smart cards for public transit, you have no problem with construction workers riding in the open backs of pickup trucks.
39. You think paying $50 for a bottle of booze that costs $15 at home is a bargain.
40. You're not confused by a street naming system that locates streets like Clementi Road, Clementi Street, Clementi Crescent, Clementi Lane, Clementi Drive, Clementi Way, and Clementi Avenues 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 all within walking distance of each other.
41. You think that skinny girls and guys are the most attractive of all. (How did they get so skinny in the first place?? Do you know how much oil is in nasi lemak, char kuay teow, duck rice, and your average curry??--ed.)
42. You get irritated if you don't see a sign telling you how long your wait's going to be for a bus, a train, or the expressway to take you where you want to go.
43. You're certain that Holland Village is for hippie bohemian artist types and not overpaid yuppies.
44. When you cross the border into Malaysia, you automatically and deeply fear for your life and your wallet. Especially your wallet!!
45. You think that no vegetable should ever be eaten raw for any reason. Except for cucumbers.
46. No matter what you're doing at the moment, you'd rather be shopping.
47. No matter how miserable you may be here, you thank God you're not in Indonesia.
48. You're impressed by high-rise apartment buildings with actual lobbies instead of bare exposed pillars on the ground floor.
49. You don't have a problem with four different direct payment systems spread out over seven different cards in your wallet.
50. You forgot what chewing gum tastes like.
51. You say "handphone", not "cellphone" And you think there's no such thing as a handphone that's too thin.
52. You're not bothered by the fact that government cares whether you know how to use a toilet or urinal correctly. (People squatting on toilet bowls? What the...???--ed.)
53. You're sure that the best way to change social behaviour is through consistent and comprehensive government-sponsored campaigns that permeate as many aspects of daily life as possible. And when they don't work, you never speak of them again.
54. You think chicken floss, corn, mayonnaise, and tandoori spices are proper pizza toppings.
55. You agree that what the government thinks of your personal habits and lifestyle should determine whether you get a condo and how much you pay for it.
56. You've become a fan of either Arsenal, Man. U., or Liverpool when you barely knew what soccer was before you came to Singapore. And you don't care that none of these teams are Singaporean!
57. You think a bus is incomplete without a TV.
58. You accept that expressways here are cleaner than toilets rather than the other way around.
59. You know why this list needs the following disclaimer: "This list is intended only as an amusing, light-hearted, and exaggerated look at life in Singapore and is not meant to be taken seriously. There is no intention on the part of the author of this list to make any untrue, misleading, or defamatory statements concerning any person in particular, nor to make any statement intended to cause offense. If any such offense has been caused, the author apologizes and retracts the offending statement. In any event, the author's NOT WORTH SUING, so don't trouble yourself."
60. You understand everything on this list!!
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