Yes, I'll be back again no matter where I go
For it's only love that frees the fire for burning
Then I'll take you in my arms and tell you all I know
As I sing the changing song of my returning
-Phil Ochs
Those of you who find my habit of opening my posts with song-quotes pretentious will be happy to hear I texted that verse to Gyle a few weeks ago, and she replied, "Are you drunk?"
I wasn't then and I'm not now, but I suppose it's a fair question.
I've had a lot of practice with moving. Sometimes, it's easy to leave. I was definitely ready to get out of DC in 2004, for example. I remember walking around downtown during those last few weeks and thinking the place felt like a ghost town, with all the friends I'd made there who were now long gone, and while I was more than a bit apprehensive about going to Taiwan, I wasn't sorry about what I was leaving behind. Other times, not so much. This is one of those other times. The good news: I'm only going back to America for a few months (the exact time isn't yet determined, but I'll probably be back in Singapore by Christmas). The bad news: that's still a pretty long time to be away from someone you love. Still, I've been after the boss about getting started on the US market for quite a while now, so it's great that it's finally happening. And I do love long trips, so the longest trip I've ever been on should be an interesting experience.
But for the moment, it's the awareness that I'll be gone soon that has my attention. Singapore feels unfinished to me, everything very familiar and yet still fresh. I'm reminded of how I felt when I moved out of the student house in DC in 1998. I really thought I was ready to say goodbye to the place at the time, but in my very last days there I ended up falling in with a group of friends so tight-knit we actually had a bad reputation when it came to house parties because we slow-danced too much. Saying goodbye to that life wasn't easy, and I was only moving six blocks or so! In any case, I remember looking around the place and feeling like I still belonged there. It's a tough feeling to put into words, but I know it when I feel it and I feel it again now. Of course, I didn't know it at the time, but I did end up moving back to the student house about five months later (at least one person who had just moved in when I'd moved out recognized me thusly: "Oh, you were one of the slow-dance gang, weren't you?"), and I ended up falling in with another very close group of friends. This time, of course, I have the benefit of knowing I will be back.
And in the meantime, my first visit to the USA in four years is of course more than welcome. There are friends I haven't seen in at least that long to catch up with, and favorite foods to indulge in that one can't get here. And I have to try to remember that I'm there to work, of course. A lot depends on how well that goes, but early signs are that it will go well. But right now, it's the reunion in December that I'm looking forward to the most!
