I am currently a party to an ongoing online discussion of made-up terms. When it started, my first thought was that I didn't have any, except the occasional political one. But as the thread has worn on, I've come to realize I actually have quite a few. I've been thinking I ought to write them all down so I'll have the list to refer to next time around, and some of them are pretty amusing. You'll notice that many of these are based on people's names...rest assured that I won't be referring to anybody there's any risk of my crossing paths with again. Nor do I particularly care if any of the people I do refer to here happen to read this (which they almost certainly won't) and recognize themselves (which is even less likely).
Pulling a Wilda - Criticizing somebody for doing a lousy job on something when in fact they did a fine job, and you're reaping the rewards of their work without even realizing it. Wilda was an ex boss of mine who once gave me a lecture about how I shouldn't have rearranged the mail flow in our office because everybody was used to the old method. As she was hassling me about this, she filed a stack of letters in about half the time it would have taken before I made those changes she hated so much. You might not think this happens often enough to warrant a term of its own, but there is a reason why Dilbert and The Office have been so popular for so long.
Don't be a f***, bring it back! - A cry of frustration in hopeless situations. Inspired by an incident in college where I left a slice of pizza in the dorm refrigerator and of course it disappeared before I came back to collect it. Just to be funny (and let people know there was a moocher in our midst), I put up a sign on the fridge: "Whoever the f*** took my pizza Sat night, don't be a F**K, bring it back!" Various girlfriends have since found this uproariously funny, or have used it as an excuse to tell me to get a life, or both.
The Suzanne Dance - (I didn't make this one up; I just used it rather frequently with those who did.) Stand with your legs apart, bent at the knees, and wiggle back and forth looking agitated and uncomfortable. Swing your arms one by one up against your forehead, slapping yourself gently with the back of each hand, and say things like "Oh! My life is over! Oh no! I'm ruined!" in a high, tragic voice. That's the Suzanne Dance. I would like to explain Suzanne to you all, really I would, but I can't. If I told you even one of the numerous illustrative anecdotes about her, you'd just insist that I must be exaggerating or that she must have been joking. Those who knew her could tell you otherwise, but they don't need me to tell them anything about her.
Something in the Mail - A euphemism that hides its meaning too well, so that nobody knows what you really mean and you end up embarrassing yourself more than you would have if you'd just said the real thing out loud to begin with. "Getting something in the mail" was my ex's favorite euphemism for her period. The first time she used it with me, I thought she was hinting at a credit card bill she didn't want to have to see or something like that.
Itsplaining - Trying to smooth over hurt feelings without actually apologizing, in a situation where you know you really should just apologize but won't do it for whatever reason. (This happens all the time in DC, not surprisingly.) This one comes from an office meeting I sat in on just before Thanksgiving several years ago. A newly married colleague mentioned that she and her husband were staying in town for the holiday rather than going home, but she wasn't looking forward to cooking dinner and maybe they wouldn't have one. She lived in the same neighborhood I had lived in back when I first came to DC, and there was a great Mexican restaurant just a few blocks from her building which had been a T-Day tradition for my friends and me. I told her about it and suggested it as a possible alternative, but she rolled her eyes and said, "Oh, I hate that place!" Realizing a second too late that she'd been rude (which happened a lot with her!), she quickly added, "I mean, it's plain. Don't you think it's plain, Dave?" Naturally, I didn't answer. She knew perfectly well that I didn't think it was plain, otherwise I wouldn't have recommended it!
Missed by an enchilada - To just miss something very unpleasant. This one comes from the same Mexican restaurant mentioned above. One Thanksgiving, I went to a big group dinner at an estate out in Maryland. When we got back to DC, three friends and myself decided to go to said restaurant for a midnight snack. (It was the only open restaurant in the neighborhood; even McDonalds was closed.) Everybody else who had been to the estate for dinner got food poisoning, but the four of us were fine.
No-trayers - People who ask for something without really knowing what it is, and who then get upset when they get exactly what they asked for. This one goes all the way back to Arby's. I probably got at least three customers a day who, when I asked if they wanted their food "for here or to go," would answer "to go," but when I presented their food in a bag, they'd snap, "What, no tray?!" Another example of no-traying at that job was people who ordered a Super when they really wanted a Giant. That was even more common, but I never came up with a pithy term based on that one. Supering? Nah. My own determination to never be a no-trayer is such that I ate a raw steak once in Luxembourg, having ordered it by accident. It was actually pretty good.
Can't-do-everythinging - When you call a co-worker on his or her failure to complete a job on time and the response is "But I can't do everything, when the real problem is that s/he hasn't done anything. That's can't-do-everythinging.
Gina bad - Gina was a colleague of mine from when I was teaching. She had a real mean streak, and the kindergarten kids were terrified of her. When a kid misbehaved, it was standard procedure to send hir to a different classroom for a time-out, but we didn't send them to Gina's room unless they had really been way out of line. Talking out of turn, not finishing your lunch quickly enough, not sharing the toys...these were minor infractions, and they deserved only a mild punishment if that. But if somebody hit another kid, threw food, yanked up a girl's dress, etc., well, that was being Gina bad.
A Jeff apology - In honor of my ex-best friend/roommate from hell. A Jeff apology is essentially, "I'm sorry it happened, but it's really your fault and there's nothing I can do about it now anyway." (He actually said that to me once after locking me out of our room when I was in the shower.)
Rachelisms - Extremely lame excuses for not doing your homework, i.e. "I meant to do my part of the group project that's due today, but there was this party I just had to go to, and I got back at 4:00." The Rachel who inspired this one was not the one I knew in DC or the one I worked with in Taiwan, so if you knew me during either of those periods, it's not who you think. Interesting, though, that I knew these three different yet like-named women in the space of less than six years and they were all incredibly irritating in one way or another.
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