Having spent much of the week sitting at my computer sending off job applications (I think I got about 20 of them done in the past week - not a bad haul), I've had plenty of time to watch and listen to CNN in the background. Amidst the sad news about Benzair Bhutto, I did catch something rather more lighthearted earlier this morning. It seems in New York, some group or other has invited people to write down all their frustrations and bad news from 2007 and run the paper through a shredder, to be used as confetti on New Year's Eve.
I, for one, think that's a delightful idea.
The first day of 2007 found me waking to a sunny, warm day in an old but beautiful (and surprisingly cheap) hotel room in Portugal. It's a lovely memory, but had I known what kind of year I was in for, I'd have probably barricaded myself in that room and never come out if I could help it. I've long been at the point where the best thing I could say about 2007 is that I survived it.
But I must concede, it has not been all bad. I did (probably) complete my MBA; now that I've moved on to all job applications all the time and stopped obsessing over that last exam, I believe I probably passed it. I'm not going to declare victory until I know for sure, but the panic has mostly passed. The only other remaining requirement was a paper on my internship, which I submitted on Christmas Day. Finishing my third degree seemed like a good gift to myself. And as a colleague of mine said last spring, an MBA is an investment. You do it in hope that it will pay off later on, not because you expect it to be any fun while it's actually going on. And there were times that were fun, in any case. It's sometimes hard to remember that given the way the past couple of months have gone, but it's true. Looking back on HEC, I can tell it's going to be a positive memory overall. So that's one good point for the year.
What else is to be said of the good and bad of 2007? I'll get the bad news out of the way first:
-The internship was a big disappointment.
-My grades weren't what I'd have liked them to be, although I'm told that really doesn't matter in an MBA.
-I was unlucky in love twice...it's good that I got right back up and gave it another try, but the other try was just as unsuccessful as the first one!
-Job searches are never easy, but one does forget just how miserable they are until it's actually upon us.
-There is still a slight chance I won't be graduating, although I will have a chance to fix that well before June.
-I'm more than ready to leave Luxembourg, but can't for at least another month due to the last few loose ends to be tied up at HEC.
-After borrowing a lot of money and working very hard for the past year, I've increasingly come to suspect I'd have been happier in the long run if I'd stuck with teaching. But if I had done that, I'd never have known for sure.
Now, the good news...
-Regarding that last item in the bad news, I'll never have to wonder about "what if," in any case.
-I did learn a lot at HEC, and I also got to make a lot of great friends from all over the world.
-However underwhelming the internship was, it's one more item I can point to on my CV.
-I also now know one more thing I definitely do not want to do with my life, and yes, that's a good thing.
-I got to spend a lot of quality time in one of the world's most beautiful cities.
-I also got to visit half a dozen or so countries I'd never been to (or had been to only when I was much too young to remember). When I arrived in France last year, there were five or six countries I had technically been to, but couldn't really say I'd been there because I was just a baby. That list of asterisks is now down to one country, Italy. I thought about going there for Christmas but I just couldn't justify spending the money.
-I'm sure my French has improved, even if I can't necessarily tell.
-While this Christmas season was awfully depressing, it's setting the bar pretty low for next year. I've been thinking as long as I'm not in jail next year, I'll be able to look back and say how much has improved!
More to come if I think of them...but I think that's about it. I guess it was a less eventful year than the previous few.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
Hey, it really IS Christmas!
My biggest frustration so far on the job search has been that my colleagues' success in finding jobs has been highly correlated with what they did before the MBA. Of those who have found jobs already, most are just moving up in the same industry. Some are even going back to the exact same company. (Of course, as explained in the last post, there is a chance I'll do the same, but that's not really the same!) Just when I was really starting to despair about having any similar avenues open to me, what do I find online but an international language-education organization that is recruiting finance and marketing staff!
I don't know if they're going to be interested in someone with my particular profile (the actual job listings were along the lines of "five years' marketing experience at a well-known firm" and so forth), but it does sound like a natural fit. After sending off that application last night, I slept better than I have in a while.
I don't know if they're going to be interested in someone with my particular profile (the actual job listings were along the lines of "five years' marketing experience at a well-known firm" and so forth), but it does sound like a natural fit. After sending off that application last night, I slept better than I have in a while.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Was this all just an extremely expensive vacation?
For two years now, it's been a fairly common refrain of mine. If you were with me at HEC or DU, you probably heard me say it at some point. If you read this blog regularly, you've probably "seen" me say it. I've thought it many times without saying or writing it. "If this doesn't work out, I could always go back to Taiwan..."
As the MBA finally draws to a close amid numerous frustrations and a monumental amount of stress, and as the job market for newly minted MBAs seems mostly confined to whatever they were doing before their MBAs, and as I try to be patient with somewhat promising leads that haven't led anywhere just yet, and as I came away from the past week in Jouy with something like a sense of closure over the whole thing, I found myself thinking about it all once again over the weekend. Then two things happened.
The first was that I did get a business job offer of sorts. You might think that would end any thoughts of going back to teaching, but, well, the job was selling insurance in Scranton. That's right, Scranton. The city my family has been trying to escape from since 1912 or so, the aptly cast setting of the American version of The Office, the city that escaped the withering pen of Billy Joel only because Allentown is a lot easier to rhyme...and so far, the only place where I can count on a job that would ostensibly be using my degree.
The second was something so obvious I must have chosen not to think of it before. If I did reapply for my old job, that wouldn't mean I would have to take it. (For that matter, there's not even a guarantee they'll take me back, though I'd be very surprised if they didn't.) If I did take it, I wouldn't have to stay forever and I could continue looking for other opportunities while doing work I loved.
Before I could talk myself out of veering from the path of progress, I bit the bullet and applied. And so it is that I find myself here at my laptop in Luxembourg, two years on and thousands of dollars and euros behind, pondering the possibility that I could wind up back where I once belonged and finding that I'm not all that upset about it. Well, I am in the sense that it does feel like a step backward. But my alternative two years ago would have been to always wonder if I should have gone back to school. As it is, at least I'll have the degree for future endeavors, if there ever are any available. Underpaid work that you love is better than well paid work you don't like, and it's much better than no work at all, which just might be better than selling insurance in Scranton.
Right, but will next summer really find me in Taipei using the macarena to teach the months of the year to a bunch of kids in green and yellow pajamas? Odds are something else will come along, and I do plan to keep looking. But given the level of frustration I've had to cope with over the past few months and the fact that it's not likely to end immediately, I had to have some sure thing out there to lean on. I also can't help thinking of all the nine-to-five desk jobs I've failed at in the past, and really wonder why I ever thought going back to that world was a good idea.
As the MBA finally draws to a close amid numerous frustrations and a monumental amount of stress, and as the job market for newly minted MBAs seems mostly confined to whatever they were doing before their MBAs, and as I try to be patient with somewhat promising leads that haven't led anywhere just yet, and as I came away from the past week in Jouy with something like a sense of closure over the whole thing, I found myself thinking about it all once again over the weekend. Then two things happened.
The first was that I did get a business job offer of sorts. You might think that would end any thoughts of going back to teaching, but, well, the job was selling insurance in Scranton. That's right, Scranton. The city my family has been trying to escape from since 1912 or so, the aptly cast setting of the American version of The Office, the city that escaped the withering pen of Billy Joel only because Allentown is a lot easier to rhyme...and so far, the only place where I can count on a job that would ostensibly be using my degree.
The second was something so obvious I must have chosen not to think of it before. If I did reapply for my old job, that wouldn't mean I would have to take it. (For that matter, there's not even a guarantee they'll take me back, though I'd be very surprised if they didn't.) If I did take it, I wouldn't have to stay forever and I could continue looking for other opportunities while doing work I loved.
Before I could talk myself out of veering from the path of progress, I bit the bullet and applied. And so it is that I find myself here at my laptop in Luxembourg, two years on and thousands of dollars and euros behind, pondering the possibility that I could wind up back where I once belonged and finding that I'm not all that upset about it. Well, I am in the sense that it does feel like a step backward. But my alternative two years ago would have been to always wonder if I should have gone back to school. As it is, at least I'll have the degree for future endeavors, if there ever are any available. Underpaid work that you love is better than well paid work you don't like, and it's much better than no work at all, which just might be better than selling insurance in Scranton.
Right, but will next summer really find me in Taipei using the macarena to teach the months of the year to a bunch of kids in green and yellow pajamas? Odds are something else will come along, and I do plan to keep looking. But given the level of frustration I've had to cope with over the past few months and the fact that it's not likely to end immediately, I had to have some sure thing out there to lean on. I also can't help thinking of all the nine-to-five desk jobs I've failed at in the past, and really wonder why I ever thought going back to that world was a good idea.
Friday, December 21, 2007
And I'm never going back to my old school (?)
My latest week in Jouy and Paris is wrapping up, as the final internship seminar finishes tomorrow morning. I haven't yet decided when I'll go back to Luxembourg, as I do have a free bed here if I want it, but I'll probably return sooner rather than later. I really should get back to sending out another round of job applications. One thing I've found in my week here is that a lot of my colleagues don't have jobs yet, and some haven't even really started looking yet. (Others do, of course, and I'm happy for them but also rather jealous!) It's nice to know I'm not alone and all that, but it's really getting awfully stressful all the same. It's easy to forget that I don't really graduate until June even though all my coursework is (probably) done. But I don't want to sit around until then, and I couldn't afford to even if I did want to!
In any case, it hit me late this evening when I finally stumbled out of a lengthy seminar on alternative energy: there is a small but significant possibility that this week could mark my very last time at HEC. In a way I hope it is, because my most likely cause for returning at this point would be to re-take the exam I took earlier this week, and I really do not want to have to do that. (Yes, I'm probably being paranoid. Let's hope so anyway!) It has me feeling oddly poignant in light of the fact that I couldn't wait to be done. While the last few months have been pretty miserable, I did have some great times here and I met some wonderful people. It's sad to think that's over. Of course some of my closest friends have already been gone since summer, off on exchange, which already made the campus feel a bit empty in the first place. There is also a chance I'll end up working in Paris, in which case it'll be just a short train ride away but one I'd be unlikely to make - why bother? And several of my friends from here will be there as well.
I guess the thing is, though, assuming I passed that exam and my internship paper is accepted, my coursework is done. Odds are I won't end up in Paris, if only because it's just one of numerous places I'm looking, and the odds of me ending up in any one of them are fairly slim. So this week does mark a greater finality than any of the milestones that have come and gone since July. Since I don't yet have a clue where I'll be going next but I am pretty sure I'll be going somewhere, it's perhaps the biggest finality there's going to be in the whole crazy experience. And it feels like the whole thing just sort of wound down in a rather anticlimactic way. There is graduation, of course, but my presence there depends mostly on where I am living by then and whether I can get the time off from the job I intend to have by then. It's a definite maybe.
But hey, we'll always have the memories, and there are plenty of those. So to all my colleagues, just in case I don't see you again, thanks for the memories. We'll always have Paris. And Jouy, with its three restaurants. And the piano bar. And the Holiday Inn. And the K-fet. I hope we do all meet again, and that we're all gainfully employed by then!
In any case, it hit me late this evening when I finally stumbled out of a lengthy seminar on alternative energy: there is a small but significant possibility that this week could mark my very last time at HEC. In a way I hope it is, because my most likely cause for returning at this point would be to re-take the exam I took earlier this week, and I really do not want to have to do that. (Yes, I'm probably being paranoid. Let's hope so anyway!) It has me feeling oddly poignant in light of the fact that I couldn't wait to be done. While the last few months have been pretty miserable, I did have some great times here and I met some wonderful people. It's sad to think that's over. Of course some of my closest friends have already been gone since summer, off on exchange, which already made the campus feel a bit empty in the first place. There is also a chance I'll end up working in Paris, in which case it'll be just a short train ride away but one I'd be unlikely to make - why bother? And several of my friends from here will be there as well.
I guess the thing is, though, assuming I passed that exam and my internship paper is accepted, my coursework is done. Odds are I won't end up in Paris, if only because it's just one of numerous places I'm looking, and the odds of me ending up in any one of them are fairly slim. So this week does mark a greater finality than any of the milestones that have come and gone since July. Since I don't yet have a clue where I'll be going next but I am pretty sure I'll be going somewhere, it's perhaps the biggest finality there's going to be in the whole crazy experience. And it feels like the whole thing just sort of wound down in a rather anticlimactic way. There is graduation, of course, but my presence there depends mostly on where I am living by then and whether I can get the time off from the job I intend to have by then. It's a definite maybe.
But hey, we'll always have the memories, and there are plenty of those. So to all my colleagues, just in case I don't see you again, thanks for the memories. We'll always have Paris. And Jouy, with its three restaurants. And the piano bar. And the Holiday Inn. And the K-fet. I hope we do all meet again, and that we're all gainfully employed by then!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
One piece of good news, anyhow
Just after I hit send on that last post, I stopped by to chat with the guy in charge of the internship-for-credit program here. I explained that I had tried to get in touch with my assigned mentor for the program regarding my problems with the internship and my plans for what to do next, but that he hadn't replied to my repeated e-mails. I fully expected the professor to tell me it was somehow my fault, because that's the way it usually works around here. Instead, he said he'd run into the same problem with that mentor and that I could now deal directly with him instead, which would be much easier for both of us. He also said I could still get credit for my internship if I turned in a final paper by new year's.
I guess it's pretty sad that I've come to the point of being surprised when somebody here cuts a student a bit of slack and deals with the student reasonably, but hey a nice surprise is a nice surprise. And it was something I could certainly use just now!
I guess it's pretty sad that I've come to the point of being surprised when somebody here cuts a student a bit of slack and deals with the student reasonably, but hey a nice surprise is a nice surprise. And it was something I could certainly use just now!
It's over?
I just stumbled out of what I sincerely hope will be my last-ever exam. I don't feel it went very well at all, but since I passed the midterm, I'll probably pass the class either way. At least that's what I need to believe just now! If I do pass, all that's left between me and my MBA is a brief presentation of how my internship went. (Well, I may not get full credit until I do another internship or find a job, but that was a necessary next step anyhow.) And yes, it probably went better than I think. But I do miss the days when I could walk out of an exam thinking I had done a good job on it rather than just scraping by or maybe not even that.
As fits the mood lately, I didn't feel much post-exam joy at all on leaving the test room. It was more a lingering sense of not-quite-accomplishment that has been associated with HEC for me since at least May or so. For a program that got off to a great start, I really feel like I'm just hanging on to stumble across the finish line in last place at this point, and even that will be okay as long as I do make it to the finish line. It's still not quite certain that I will do so. I have, however, noticed that a lot of things are falling into place lately just as I have given up any hope that they ever will. So things will probably turn out okay in the end, however barely.
I certainly am looking forward to going back to work, and at last count I had seven fairly strong possibilities for internships or jobs. So there is a light out there somewhere. Whatever happens next, I imagine that next Christmas, I'll be able to look back at this one and be glad things have improved so much. Looking back at last Christmas - passing all my exams, most of them comfortably, followed by the trip to Portugal and back...well, this year doesn't really measure up!
As fits the mood lately, I didn't feel much post-exam joy at all on leaving the test room. It was more a lingering sense of not-quite-accomplishment that has been associated with HEC for me since at least May or so. For a program that got off to a great start, I really feel like I'm just hanging on to stumble across the finish line in last place at this point, and even that will be okay as long as I do make it to the finish line. It's still not quite certain that I will do so. I have, however, noticed that a lot of things are falling into place lately just as I have given up any hope that they ever will. So things will probably turn out okay in the end, however barely.
I certainly am looking forward to going back to work, and at last count I had seven fairly strong possibilities for internships or jobs. So there is a light out there somewhere. Whatever happens next, I imagine that next Christmas, I'll be able to look back at this one and be glad things have improved so much. Looking back at last Christmas - passing all my exams, most of them comfortably, followed by the trip to Portugal and back...well, this year doesn't really measure up!
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Here's one I hadn't run into before
I had a job interview yesterday, here in Luxembourg. It turned out that the company in question had a hiring freeze on. Why, then, were they interviewing people? It seemed somebody there saw my CV and thought I might be right for a traineeship for the same company but based in another city. (I'll keep the details off the radar here for the time being, as I have a lot of "maybes" in at least four different cities at the moment.) By the end of the interview, the woman interviewing me said she would pass my details on to the folks in charge of that program and we'd be in touch shortly.
Of course I'm pretty happy about that outcome, but I'm still wondering why they were recruiting here if they're not actually hiring here. Odd. Of course, since the deadline for the traineeship program has come and gone without me ever even hearing of it but I got my resume to them anyhow, I have no complaints. Just trying to figure it all out is all.
Still no word on just what I'll be up to right after Christmas, by the way. Most of the permanent job leads I have - in fact, all of them - will necessarily not be starting until summer, either because of work permit issues or because the program doesn't start until then anyway or both. Once I do nail an offer down (and I'm guardedly optimistic that will happen pretty soon, as I have at least six possibilities of varying degrees), I'm thinking I might look for a short-term teaching gig somewhere to pass the time. But there are still a couple of internship possibilities that could start sooner, so I can't even plan for any interim activities just yet. Since my coursework still isn't quite done, perhaps that's for the best!
Of course I'm pretty happy about that outcome, but I'm still wondering why they were recruiting here if they're not actually hiring here. Odd. Of course, since the deadline for the traineeship program has come and gone without me ever even hearing of it but I got my resume to them anyhow, I have no complaints. Just trying to figure it all out is all.
Still no word on just what I'll be up to right after Christmas, by the way. Most of the permanent job leads I have - in fact, all of them - will necessarily not be starting until summer, either because of work permit issues or because the program doesn't start until then anyway or both. Once I do nail an offer down (and I'm guardedly optimistic that will happen pretty soon, as I have at least six possibilities of varying degrees), I'm thinking I might look for a short-term teaching gig somewhere to pass the time. But there are still a couple of internship possibilities that could start sooner, so I can't even plan for any interim activities just yet. Since my coursework still isn't quite done, perhaps that's for the best!
Sunday, December 2, 2007
I shouldn't be happy about it, but...
I went to a job fair in Brussels on Friday. For a city I didn't really like very much previously, it went quite well. I had four pretty solid job interviews and I'm feeling a lot more optimistic than I was last week.
But the most memorable episode of the day was not a job interview. It was a conversation with a guy I met in line for lunch. He was a student at HEC's bitter rival, INSEAD. When he introduced himself as such, I said - jokingly of course - "Ah, so we're supposed to hate each other, huh?" He appeared to agree.
It's hard to overstate the sense of rivalry between HEC and INSEAD. The vaunted Yale/Harvard rivalry has nothing on it. In fact, all the previous rivalries I've witnessed, from Yale/Harvard back to Grinnell/Carleton and all the way back to Robinson/Lake Braddock - all of them combined don't pack the barely concealed resentment of HEC vs. INSEAD. They're bigger than we are, and probably better known in most parts of the world, and since they're bigger, they have much larger applicant pools and many more rejected applicants. We, however, have a slightly lower acceptance rate, something many of us are quite proud of.
For my part, I've made good use of my experience with the two universities when people ask me in job interviews why I came to HEC (and they almost always do ask). I explain that I wanted more overseas experience and was especially interested in France because I wanted to brush up on my French, so I applied to both of them. I got to the interview stage with both, and got along famously with all the HEC alums I met. Not so the INSEAD alums, who were more than a little bit snobby and aloof and devoid of reasons to go to their school other than the chance to get rich. (One of them insisted that I rent a car and drive three hours - Denver to Aspen - to meet her at her home for the interview...and then forgot all about it. She happened to come home while I was there waiting for her, but I could very easily have been out the cost of the rental and the seven hours or so the trip involved in all.) In the end I didn't get into INSEAD anyway, but I had already decided on HEC regardless. Of course I tell the story more diplomatically than that in interviews; but when I'm speaking diplomatically about why I chose HEC, the above is what I'm really thinking.
Given all that, why would we HECers waste our time and energy on the rivalry? Because we have a rather naive impression that it's much easier to find a job if you go to INSEAD. It's understandable that one would think as much, for they are far more likely to get recruiting visits on campus from the most prestigious banks, consulting firms, and such. Of course, I've always suspected there was an element of "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" to all this. In Brussels on Friday, I learned that is correct. The guy I met there (with whom I got along just fine in spite of all of the above!) explained that, yes, they do get a lot of campus visits and job offers. The problem is, every single person on campus applies for all those jobs - and remember, there are a lot more students there. I imagine the rivalry among the students is pretty fierce.
Whatever I didn't like about HEC (and as most of you know, I do have my issues with the place), it does not inspire any sort of rivalry among peers, nor did we all ever feel like we were fighting for a piece of the same pie. It's nice to know the smaller fish in the pond have advantages too. Of course, I really shouldn't have needed to have as much spelled out for me. But such is the mentality that goes with job searches.
But the most memorable episode of the day was not a job interview. It was a conversation with a guy I met in line for lunch. He was a student at HEC's bitter rival, INSEAD. When he introduced himself as such, I said - jokingly of course - "Ah, so we're supposed to hate each other, huh?" He appeared to agree.
It's hard to overstate the sense of rivalry between HEC and INSEAD. The vaunted Yale/Harvard rivalry has nothing on it. In fact, all the previous rivalries I've witnessed, from Yale/Harvard back to Grinnell/Carleton and all the way back to Robinson/Lake Braddock - all of them combined don't pack the barely concealed resentment of HEC vs. INSEAD. They're bigger than we are, and probably better known in most parts of the world, and since they're bigger, they have much larger applicant pools and many more rejected applicants. We, however, have a slightly lower acceptance rate, something many of us are quite proud of.
For my part, I've made good use of my experience with the two universities when people ask me in job interviews why I came to HEC (and they almost always do ask). I explain that I wanted more overseas experience and was especially interested in France because I wanted to brush up on my French, so I applied to both of them. I got to the interview stage with both, and got along famously with all the HEC alums I met. Not so the INSEAD alums, who were more than a little bit snobby and aloof and devoid of reasons to go to their school other than the chance to get rich. (One of them insisted that I rent a car and drive three hours - Denver to Aspen - to meet her at her home for the interview...and then forgot all about it. She happened to come home while I was there waiting for her, but I could very easily have been out the cost of the rental and the seven hours or so the trip involved in all.) In the end I didn't get into INSEAD anyway, but I had already decided on HEC regardless. Of course I tell the story more diplomatically than that in interviews; but when I'm speaking diplomatically about why I chose HEC, the above is what I'm really thinking.
Given all that, why would we HECers waste our time and energy on the rivalry? Because we have a rather naive impression that it's much easier to find a job if you go to INSEAD. It's understandable that one would think as much, for they are far more likely to get recruiting visits on campus from the most prestigious banks, consulting firms, and such. Of course, I've always suspected there was an element of "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" to all this. In Brussels on Friday, I learned that is correct. The guy I met there (with whom I got along just fine in spite of all of the above!) explained that, yes, they do get a lot of campus visits and job offers. The problem is, every single person on campus applies for all those jobs - and remember, there are a lot more students there. I imagine the rivalry among the students is pretty fierce.
Whatever I didn't like about HEC (and as most of you know, I do have my issues with the place), it does not inspire any sort of rivalry among peers, nor did we all ever feel like we were fighting for a piece of the same pie. It's nice to know the smaller fish in the pond have advantages too. Of course, I really shouldn't have needed to have as much spelled out for me. But such is the mentality that goes with job searches.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
